You want us to give you some super fly lashes. So arrive on time to get this done, properly. Precision work cannot be rushed and we give a shit about getting it done right for you. Now, the entrance is a little tricky to find but equally it's not the Crystal Maze either. We've taken the time to design this pretty map for you which is attached. Please consult it. For the love of baby Jesus, the door marked "7 Bell Yard Mews" is not the front door. Nearest tube is London Bridge, we're on a thing called Google maps.
DON'T BE FRICKIN' LATE.
DON'T ARRIVE EARLY TO THE PARTY, EITHER.
Don't be that person. We sound pedantic twats, but please don't arrive early as we are probably still with a client, making a brew or looking at pointless Instagram junk. We need breaks. Go to Fuckoffee on the corner - they're probably having a party there. Join them.
“..But my mate got her's done in 30 minutes and cost 50 quid" is something we've heard beyond frequently. Well, that's your mate and that vibe ain't you. So let us do a proper job and leave the spider legs look with your mate Sharon in the office. Allow 2 hours for a natural set, 2.5 for a glamorous set and 3 hours for a dramatic set, PLUS 30 minutes for a consultation (that doesn't mean arrive 30 mins early). Surgeons aren't valued on how quickly they smash out a nose job and the same applies to your lashes, chicken. We have 20 years combined experience between us and it ain't getting any quicker hunny. Be sensible and don't make any important plans afterwards.
IT TAKES HOW LONG?!
This ain't your average salon girlfriend. Lashes are an art form and we need to study your natural lashes, your face shape, eye shape and what eye make-up you wear everyday in order to design the best look for you.
We use a mixture of different curls lengths and density to create your own bespoke look. We're fucking magicians. Even your personality and how you dress will give us an indication as to what kind of style would be best for you. That's why we're the shizzle.
KEEP IT CLEAN, QUEEN
Fairly obvious one, but please arrive without any eye make-up. It really does take a lot of extra time to remove. We charge thousands to remove it.
REMOVE EYE MAKE-UP
Do not bring your nan, your kid, your dog or your Tinder date to your appointment please. It is distracting to have someone in the room during the procedure and there is no space for additional people who aren't having a treatment.
You really need to remain still throughout the procedure.
AVOID CAFFEINE BEFORE.
Needless to say, caffeine is a stimulant and can cause restlessness. It's also a diuretic. Navigating the loo with your eyes closed is not a scenario you want to find yourself in.
KEEP CALM AND GET LASHED.
Sharp tweezers and glue around your eyes is not a great combo when you're having a restless leg party. Obviously this isn't mission mannequin, but try not to move around or shuffle too much. If you're a restless person, please - in the name of the Lord almighty - bring your headphones and prepare music or a podcast to listen to on your phone. But equally, don't use your phone to conduct high powered business meetings. We know your job is important but Mr. Elon Musk can wait.
We get that your nan gets ill and your kid has the shits, but your private life is just that. We are running a business to give you the most fucking awesome lashes ever and that involves having mutual respect for each other.
I GOT NEW RULES I COUNT 'EM.
So, with that in mind we need 48 hours notice - regardless of the reason. Otherwise the full fee is due.
TIME FOR SOME BITCHIN' LASHES.
We don't need to know the deets of your diarrhoea - the cancellation fee still applies. We’re also not cold heartless fucks, but we need to keep a business running. So let's just keep things cool between us.